Boys Weekend

This past weekend my wife decided to spend the night near her hometown with one of her childhood friends. Gulp… That means a weekend alone with the kids! As it turns out my daughters were both out of the house and my 11-year-old was with his Dad leaving Evan and I to run the house.

Saturday started, as any big “Guys Weekend” should, waiting for a new washer to be delivered! As it turns out the discharge hose was not long enough (not the first time I have heard that) so we had to go to Wal*Mart to get an extension.

After cooking a manly dinner of steak, fresh picked green beans, and potato salad we took to the links… mini-golf that is. I ran into a friend of mine that I have not seen in a long time who told Evan to, “Kick your Dad’s butt!” Evan laughed and said “ok.”

He then proceeded to get a hole in one on the very first hole of his mini golf career. Of course being the proud Dad that I am I picked him up and started acting like he just won The Masters. I began professing that he was going to be the next Tiger Woods, minus all the adultery.

His next shot almost landed in the parking lot and he never again got close to a hole in one. It was awesome though. He had a great time. I had a great time. The ice cream afterwards was great. Then came the trip to Redbox for Rango and bed time.

This is where I began to realize just how lucky I am to have an amazing wife by my side. A full day of no one to help with a kid, no matter how good the day is, is exhausting. There is no one to turn to for help with answering the 500^th question in a row. There is no one to just allow your brain to relax long enough for you to go to the bathroom in peace.

I allowed Evan to stay up until well past 10pm when he said he was ready to go to sleep. Finally some peace and quiet after a day of being asked more questions than Alex Trebek. The only problem was that there was no one in bed next to me.

I have become a huge wimp. I cannot sleep the night through without my wife next to me. There is something about feeling her body next to mine in bed that makes me relaxed. It is cliché I guess but that is what makes home feel like home to me.

So Sunday morning came and it was off the barber shop for a man’s hair cut! We stopped at the grocery store again because I forgot something (typical) and went back home for some backyard swimming! It was another long day of why this and why that until finally, Mommy’s home!

There is nothing like the relief of having your partner walk through the door and throwing your kid at them. I love my son, I love all my kids, but when my wife is away the house never runs the same. My brain grows tired, my eyes tend to cross, and my heart grows a little heavy.

All in all, boy’s day was a success. We golfed, went to the barber, watched movies, swam in the pool, and spent a lot of quality time just hanging out and farting. Seriously women that is a big thing for us guys!

Please be sure to search Facebook for What I Didn't Expect While She was Expecting, look for me on Twitter @erush520, and check out my podcast www.ericrushpodcast.com

Also, check out some great Dad related articles and much more at www.brucesallan.com, follow him on Twitter @BruceSallan and search #DadChat for great tweets and articles.  Also be sure to join him every Thursday from 9-10pm (Est) for #DadChat live!

Father / Son / Father time

How often do we get to sit and enjoy father/son time as both a father and a son? I got to experience this over the weekend and I am telling you, it is good for the soul.

This past Saturday was Evan’s fourth birthday and when I tell you he was bouncing off the walls, I may be underselling it a bit. My wife and I decorated the dining room Friday night so he would be surprised when he woke up the next morning. There were Batman pictures, Batman tablecloths, one of his gifts (the Bat Cave), and even a Batman birthday boy button strewn throughout the room.

When he woke up he came running down the hall and burst into our room. “Happy Birthday!!” we both half yelled and half sang to him. He jumped onto our bed and got birthday hugs and kisses from both of his groggy parents before running back out to go pee-pee and brush his teeth.

When he made his way down the stairs and into the dining room his eyes lit up. He wanted the button on immediately and then tore open the present. Before the wrapping paper was off he knew what it was and proclaimed that, “This is the best thing ever! Thank you so much!”

Shawna had to go into work for a few hours and no one else was home which gave me the opportunity to spend a couple of hours one on one with the birthday boy. We played Batman and Robin, rode scooters, watched a movie (Scooby Doo Meets WWE!), drank soda, and rough housed like we are not supposed to when Mommy is around.

By the time his guests had arrived he was all jacked up on soda, snacks, and the thought of more presents. More Batman toys, more cake, and more noise left me longing for a few quiet minutes. I snuck out back with my Dad to take a peek at my vegetable garden, light a cigar and drink a beer.

My father is neither a beer drinker nor a cigar smoker but on this occasion he did both. In fact, this was the first time we had a beer and a cigar together, ever. It may have only been 15 minutes or so before our location was compromised but that was a great 15 minutes.

I wrote in an earlier post that we need to learn to take time to be our parents' children and that is exactly what it felt like. Sitting there, sharing a cigar and drinking a beer on the back patio at my house made me feel like a kid again. Not that my Dad gave me booze and smokes when I was a kid or anything. It’s just that there is something about sitting with one of your parents that is comforting, relaxing, and memory inducing.

Eventually everyone made their way back home and it was back to just Evan, Shawna, and I. We went upstairs to get the little man into his jammers and suddenly I felt the need to talk to him one on one again. Evan and I laid on the bed belly to belly. We were face to face and I told him I was proud of him and that I loved him. I gave him a hug and a kiss. He made a fart sound in my face and rolled off.

I could not help but feel emotionally full. I had an opportunity to spend time one on one as a father and as a son with the two most important male figures in my life. The man who helped to mold me into who I am today: and the boy who I am molding into a man for tomorrow.

Please be sure to search Facebook for What I Didn't Expect While She was Expecting, look for me on Twitter @erush520, and check out my podcast www.ericrushpodcast.com

Also, check out some great Dad related articles and much more at www.brucesallan.com, follow him on Twitter @BruceSallan and search #DadChat for great tweets and articles.  Also be sure to join him every Thursday from 9-10pm (Est) for #DadChat live!

Participation Awards Create Murderers

Unless you are one of those people who live off the grid you have no doubt noticed a recent uptick in the number of young murderers lately. School shootings, movie theater rampages, mall attacks, elevator stabbings, and countless other horrific headlines flood our 24 hour news media.

I am 32 years old so it is not like I say “back in my day” that often but, back in my day this was almost unheard of. In fact, until the Columbine shooting I don’t remember ever hearing of something like this. From time to time there was an accidental shooting (think Beverly Hills 90210) or an attempted WWF move that went horribly wrong but never a shooting spree.

From where I am standing this increase, in part, can be attributed to an overabundance of participation awards. Today everyone gets an award for everything and no one gets told they need to work a little harder anymore. Let’s use Little League sports as an example.  When I was growing up there were two to three “levels” for each team, (e.g. PAL A, B & C.). There was a tryout period that lasted about a week and you were then split up based on your talent level.

During the year there were no mandates by the league stating that everyone had to have a turn to bat every inning.  We had winners and losers, first and last place, and All-Star games for those who earned it. Trophies were given out to the first, second, and third place teams and only the best players got MVP awards.

Guess what? We all survived. We all knew our weaknesses. We all learned how to take constructive criticism and use it to strive to better ourselves. Do you think there would there be stories of athletes staying in gyms after the lights were shut off if they were told everyone was equally talented?

In t-ball now everyone bats, everyone gets a single and everyone scores. Every DAMN inning! I went to watch my nephew play and noticed that even if the throw beat the runner to first they were still safe. “What the hell is that?” I asked one of the coaches.  “We are trying to teach the kids the fundamentals,” he replied. “Isn’t getting out a fundamental?” And the coach replied, “By fundamentals I meant having fun and teamwork.  It isn’t about winning or losing.”

What is more fundamental in life than winning and losing? You either get the job or you don’t. You either get accepted into Harvard or you go to community college. There is no shame in either and nothing but positives to be taken from them. Work harder at your job or harder in school and when the opportunity arises again you will have set yourself apart.

We have created a society that cares more about preventing our kids from feeling bad than it does about helping them realize where they need to focus their energy. These kids that end up shooting up a school or a movie theater almost always have a back story of rejection. Whether it is rejection from the opposite sex, society, or the popular group at school adolescents have been plagued by this forever, yet these stories didn’t always exist.

My last blog post was something I was really proud of. Almost all of those who read it had nice things to say about it. I sent it to a friend of mine who happens to be writer and former editor. He found so many things to improve upon he set up a phone call to go over them with me.

After we hung up I was down about it for a little bit. As the day went on I realized what he said was true: it wasn’t good enough. I took what he had told me, rewrote the parts we discussed and resubmitted it. I didn’t take the first plane out to LA and hunt him down. I didn’t go on a rampage and shoot people. Why? Because I didn’t get participation awards.

How hard would you have studied for Algebra If you knew you were going to get a passing grade regardless?

Please be sure to leave a comment, pro or con..

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Sexy time... Oh shit! There is a kid in the room

Growing up as a child I can't imagine there is anything worse than walking into your parent's bedroom and coming face to ass with them on their bed.  While this never happened to me personally I know it happened to my sister and my wife and a few other scarred women I have talked to about this.  I think the reason is inherent to the nature of males and females.  Women are, by nature, friggin nosey and as kids I have seen they are far less cautious when coming to their parent's fortress of solitude, while boys are born with knowing that "if this bed room is rocking don't come a knocking"!
I think that from the time I was old enough to know that my parents "did it" the fear of seeing any back sack or side boob when I opened the door kept me far away from their room, especially if the door was closed.  I have talked about this with one of my friends at work who has kids and he told me his sister walked in on his parents but he and his brother knew that if they heard an owl statue slide across the floor to block the door then there was no way they were entering their bedroom, or even a 15 foot radius for that matter.
With that being said, our bedroom door is usually left cracked open as we are at one end of the hall and Evan is at the other so we need to be able to hear.  But when the mood hits the first thing that happens is the door gets closed.  I am thinking that the kids are smart enough to realize that when the door is closed the risk is no where worth whatever answer they are seeking because we have yet to be caught in the act.
I did however get caught asking today.  Our boys spent the night with my sister in-law (See Tina, I remembered this time!) Tami is with her mother, and Justine is rarely home these days so we had the house to ourselves... or so I thought.  Shawna was sitting on the couch when I walked into the living room from the kitchen and the second the first half of a sentence that started with, "Let's go upstairs...." left my mouth I noticed Justine standing behind the wall in my blind spot!
I immediately tried to cover it by adding, "because I am so friggin tired I need to take a nap," but I am pretty sure the damage was already done.  Now this is nothing like walking into a room mid act but I can't imagine that was pleasant for her at all.
I guess the moral of this story is that once you have kids your bedroom antics are never totally safe, unless your bedroom for the night is in a hotel, or ALL of your kids are sleeping at another house far, far away from yours.