Boys Weekend

This past weekend my wife decided to spend the night near her hometown with one of her childhood friends. Gulp… That means a weekend alone with the kids! As it turns out my daughters were both out of the house and my 11-year-old was with his Dad leaving Evan and I to run the house.

Saturday started, as any big “Guys Weekend” should, waiting for a new washer to be delivered! As it turns out the discharge hose was not long enough (not the first time I have heard that) so we had to go to Wal*Mart to get an extension.

After cooking a manly dinner of steak, fresh picked green beans, and potato salad we took to the links… mini-golf that is. I ran into a friend of mine that I have not seen in a long time who told Evan to, “Kick your Dad’s butt!” Evan laughed and said “ok.”

He then proceeded to get a hole in one on the very first hole of his mini golf career. Of course being the proud Dad that I am I picked him up and started acting like he just won The Masters. I began professing that he was going to be the next Tiger Woods, minus all the adultery.

His next shot almost landed in the parking lot and he never again got close to a hole in one. It was awesome though. He had a great time. I had a great time. The ice cream afterwards was great. Then came the trip to Redbox for Rango and bed time.

This is where I began to realize just how lucky I am to have an amazing wife by my side. A full day of no one to help with a kid, no matter how good the day is, is exhausting. There is no one to turn to for help with answering the 500^th question in a row. There is no one to just allow your brain to relax long enough for you to go to the bathroom in peace.

I allowed Evan to stay up until well past 10pm when he said he was ready to go to sleep. Finally some peace and quiet after a day of being asked more questions than Alex Trebek. The only problem was that there was no one in bed next to me.

I have become a huge wimp. I cannot sleep the night through without my wife next to me. There is something about feeling her body next to mine in bed that makes me relaxed. It is cliché I guess but that is what makes home feel like home to me.

So Sunday morning came and it was off the barber shop for a man’s hair cut! We stopped at the grocery store again because I forgot something (typical) and went back home for some backyard swimming! It was another long day of why this and why that until finally, Mommy’s home!

There is nothing like the relief of having your partner walk through the door and throwing your kid at them. I love my son, I love all my kids, but when my wife is away the house never runs the same. My brain grows tired, my eyes tend to cross, and my heart grows a little heavy.

All in all, boy’s day was a success. We golfed, went to the barber, watched movies, swam in the pool, and spent a lot of quality time just hanging out and farting. Seriously women that is a big thing for us guys!

Please be sure to search Facebook for What I Didn't Expect While She was Expecting, look for me on Twitter @erush520, and check out my podcast www.ericrushpodcast.com

Also, check out some great Dad related articles and much more at www.brucesallan.com, follow him on Twitter @BruceSallan and search #DadChat for great tweets and articles.  Also be sure to join him every Thursday from 9-10pm (Est) for #DadChat live!

Father / Son / Father time

How often do we get to sit and enjoy father/son time as both a father and a son? I got to experience this over the weekend and I am telling you, it is good for the soul.

This past Saturday was Evan’s fourth birthday and when I tell you he was bouncing off the walls, I may be underselling it a bit. My wife and I decorated the dining room Friday night so he would be surprised when he woke up the next morning. There were Batman pictures, Batman tablecloths, one of his gifts (the Bat Cave), and even a Batman birthday boy button strewn throughout the room.

When he woke up he came running down the hall and burst into our room. “Happy Birthday!!” we both half yelled and half sang to him. He jumped onto our bed and got birthday hugs and kisses from both of his groggy parents before running back out to go pee-pee and brush his teeth.

When he made his way down the stairs and into the dining room his eyes lit up. He wanted the button on immediately and then tore open the present. Before the wrapping paper was off he knew what it was and proclaimed that, “This is the best thing ever! Thank you so much!”

Shawna had to go into work for a few hours and no one else was home which gave me the opportunity to spend a couple of hours one on one with the birthday boy. We played Batman and Robin, rode scooters, watched a movie (Scooby Doo Meets WWE!), drank soda, and rough housed like we are not supposed to when Mommy is around.

By the time his guests had arrived he was all jacked up on soda, snacks, and the thought of more presents. More Batman toys, more cake, and more noise left me longing for a few quiet minutes. I snuck out back with my Dad to take a peek at my vegetable garden, light a cigar and drink a beer.

My father is neither a beer drinker nor a cigar smoker but on this occasion he did both. In fact, this was the first time we had a beer and a cigar together, ever. It may have only been 15 minutes or so before our location was compromised but that was a great 15 minutes.

I wrote in an earlier post that we need to learn to take time to be our parents' children and that is exactly what it felt like. Sitting there, sharing a cigar and drinking a beer on the back patio at my house made me feel like a kid again. Not that my Dad gave me booze and smokes when I was a kid or anything. It’s just that there is something about sitting with one of your parents that is comforting, relaxing, and memory inducing.

Eventually everyone made their way back home and it was back to just Evan, Shawna, and I. We went upstairs to get the little man into his jammers and suddenly I felt the need to talk to him one on one again. Evan and I laid on the bed belly to belly. We were face to face and I told him I was proud of him and that I loved him. I gave him a hug and a kiss. He made a fart sound in my face and rolled off.

I could not help but feel emotionally full. I had an opportunity to spend time one on one as a father and as a son with the two most important male figures in my life. The man who helped to mold me into who I am today: and the boy who I am molding into a man for tomorrow.

Please be sure to search Facebook for What I Didn't Expect While She was Expecting, look for me on Twitter @erush520, and check out my podcast www.ericrushpodcast.com

Also, check out some great Dad related articles and much more at www.brucesallan.com, follow him on Twitter @BruceSallan and search #DadChat for great tweets and articles.  Also be sure to join him every Thursday from 9-10pm (Est) for #DadChat live!

Participation Awards Create Murderers

Unless you are one of those people who live off the grid you have no doubt noticed a recent uptick in the number of young murderers lately. School shootings, movie theater rampages, mall attacks, elevator stabbings, and countless other horrific headlines flood our 24 hour news media.

I am 32 years old so it is not like I say “back in my day” that often but, back in my day this was almost unheard of. In fact, until the Columbine shooting I don’t remember ever hearing of something like this. From time to time there was an accidental shooting (think Beverly Hills 90210) or an attempted WWF move that went horribly wrong but never a shooting spree.

From where I am standing this increase, in part, can be attributed to an overabundance of participation awards. Today everyone gets an award for everything and no one gets told they need to work a little harder anymore. Let’s use Little League sports as an example.  When I was growing up there were two to three “levels” for each team, (e.g. PAL A, B & C.). There was a tryout period that lasted about a week and you were then split up based on your talent level.

During the year there were no mandates by the league stating that everyone had to have a turn to bat every inning.  We had winners and losers, first and last place, and All-Star games for those who earned it. Trophies were given out to the first, second, and third place teams and only the best players got MVP awards.

Guess what? We all survived. We all knew our weaknesses. We all learned how to take constructive criticism and use it to strive to better ourselves. Do you think there would there be stories of athletes staying in gyms after the lights were shut off if they were told everyone was equally talented?

In t-ball now everyone bats, everyone gets a single and everyone scores. Every DAMN inning! I went to watch my nephew play and noticed that even if the throw beat the runner to first they were still safe. “What the hell is that?” I asked one of the coaches.  “We are trying to teach the kids the fundamentals,” he replied. “Isn’t getting out a fundamental?” And the coach replied, “By fundamentals I meant having fun and teamwork.  It isn’t about winning or losing.”

What is more fundamental in life than winning and losing? You either get the job or you don’t. You either get accepted into Harvard or you go to community college. There is no shame in either and nothing but positives to be taken from them. Work harder at your job or harder in school and when the opportunity arises again you will have set yourself apart.

We have created a society that cares more about preventing our kids from feeling bad than it does about helping them realize where they need to focus their energy. These kids that end up shooting up a school or a movie theater almost always have a back story of rejection. Whether it is rejection from the opposite sex, society, or the popular group at school adolescents have been plagued by this forever, yet these stories didn’t always exist.

My last blog post was something I was really proud of. Almost all of those who read it had nice things to say about it. I sent it to a friend of mine who happens to be writer and former editor. He found so many things to improve upon he set up a phone call to go over them with me.

After we hung up I was down about it for a little bit. As the day went on I realized what he said was true: it wasn’t good enough. I took what he had told me, rewrote the parts we discussed and resubmitted it. I didn’t take the first plane out to LA and hunt him down. I didn’t go on a rampage and shoot people. Why? Because I didn’t get participation awards.

How hard would you have studied for Algebra If you knew you were going to get a passing grade regardless?

Please be sure to leave a comment, pro or con..

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Sexy time... Oh shit! There is a kid in the room

Growing up as a child I can't imagine there is anything worse than walking into your parent's bedroom and coming face to ass with them on their bed.  While this never happened to me personally I know it happened to my sister and my wife and a few other scarred women I have talked to about this.  I think the reason is inherent to the nature of males and females.  Women are, by nature, friggin nosey and as kids I have seen they are far less cautious when coming to their parent's fortress of solitude, while boys are born with knowing that "if this bed room is rocking don't come a knocking"!
I think that from the time I was old enough to know that my parents "did it" the fear of seeing any back sack or side boob when I opened the door kept me far away from their room, especially if the door was closed.  I have talked about this with one of my friends at work who has kids and he told me his sister walked in on his parents but he and his brother knew that if they heard an owl statue slide across the floor to block the door then there was no way they were entering their bedroom, or even a 15 foot radius for that matter.
With that being said, our bedroom door is usually left cracked open as we are at one end of the hall and Evan is at the other so we need to be able to hear.  But when the mood hits the first thing that happens is the door gets closed.  I am thinking that the kids are smart enough to realize that when the door is closed the risk is no where worth whatever answer they are seeking because we have yet to be caught in the act.
I did however get caught asking today.  Our boys spent the night with my sister in-law (See Tina, I remembered this time!) Tami is with her mother, and Justine is rarely home these days so we had the house to ourselves... or so I thought.  Shawna was sitting on the couch when I walked into the living room from the kitchen and the second the first half of a sentence that started with, "Let's go upstairs...." left my mouth I noticed Justine standing behind the wall in my blind spot!
I immediately tried to cover it by adding, "because I am so friggin tired I need to take a nap," but I am pretty sure the damage was already done.  Now this is nothing like walking into a room mid act but I can't imagine that was pleasant for her at all.
I guess the moral of this story is that once you have kids your bedroom antics are never totally safe, unless your bedroom for the night is in a hotel, or ALL of your kids are sleeping at another house far, far away from yours.

High school graduations are not for the faint of heart

Hey there everyone!  I am going to take a different approach to this post and move away from the antics of my youngest and move on to the antics of my two oldest.  For those who don't know, I have two daughters that will be graduating High School in a little over two weeks, Justine is 18 and Tami is 17.  They couldn't have taken any more different paths through their senior year to get to this point either.

Justine took a more laid back approach to scheduling to sort of "coast" through this year and be able to enjoy and soak up the last few months of her high school career with classes like, Everyday cooking, Just Desserts, consumer math, study hall, study hall, study hall, forensics, marine biology.  While I admit the last two are not necessarily classes you can sleep through, they are classes that she is extremely interested in rather than being forced into.  This kid watches Law & Order type shows every day and is going to be getting her Bacehlor's in Marine Biology so these classes definitely peaked her interest more than say, Algebra 2 would have and her grades proved it.  She has had the ability to take the foot off of the gas the last few weeks and coast to the finish line, with stops at senior skip day and a day at the beach with many of her classmates.

Tami on the other hand made a decision at some point to make this the most stressful few months (until very recently) I have dealt with in a long time.  Tami's schedule looked like this, Algebra 2, Economics & Financial literacy, Introduction to Business, English, and a couple of gimme classes like pottery and guitar.  Now I am not saying she had an all AP level schedule but for her she was about as booked as she could be.  Couple that with a bunch of visits to the nurse and trying to stay home from not feeling well (will get to that another post) and her lack of handing things in on time / at all in English she was placed on the "Danger" list for seniors.  This is basically a list of students in their Senior year that are in danger of not graduating for either academic or attendance issues.

"What the fuck!!!!" I yelled in my head (Is that possible?  I feel like I "yell" inside my head a lot to keep from yelling out of my mouth).  "How the hell is this possible???"  Turns out she had been doing the assignments and not handing them in on time or at all and missing class for various reasons (nurse, counselor, bathroom?!?!?!?), along with a dip in her grade.  I think that she really took this senioritis thing a bit too far and began slamming (not pumping) the breaks in the middle of the 2nd marking period.

Needless to say this had lead to numerous phone calls with the counselors and emails back and forth with the teacher and grade checking for a few weeks but it finally seems like she has kicked it back into overdrive.  As long as the grades stay where they are and she does not miss another class all will work out fine in the end.  So at least all the stress is gone now.... right?.... WRONG!

Now we have PROM dresses to buy, a graduation party to plan and pay for (Did you know that One, Uno, Un, Single, Individual Port-a-Potty can cost up to $300 F$$$$$G!?!?!?)  Thankfully a good GREAT family friend knows someone who can get one for $85 but still, HOLY CRAP!  Food for 100 people, chairs, a tent, music, plates, cups, plasticware, food, food, food and more food, decorations, gifts (for the girls).  Then there is the party prep at my in-laws - cutting down trees and helping prep the yard, figuring out how we are getting everything up there and back, where the tables are coming from, the chairs, where are we going to sleep, do we get this or that, do we bring enough for all the invites even though they didn't RSVP? (apparently that answer is YES).  AAAAAAHHHHHHHH (my head is spinning!!!!)

In all honesty it got so overwhelming I started to feel a little sick, I even had a day where my brain was so screwy I started dropping things (eggs at home, drinks at shop rite).  It's non-sense!  I honestly can't wait for the party to be over so I can drink to my success at helping to raise two beautiful and intelligent women.  After all, while the graduation is your child's success first, it is part yours as well.  You play a huge role in this.  Don't forget, it was you who sat and helped them learn to read, write, do math problems, tie their shoe, pack their lunch, it was you who took them to their dances and early morning field trips.  You organized the birthday parties and drove them everywhere they needed to go.

It is going to be an emotional few days, they graduate on a Thursday night and their party is the following Saturday but it is going to be oh so sweet.  I can't sit here and say I will be 100% glad their school careers are over (k12 that is), I will still miss the days of being involved with everything, as much as we were able to be anyway.  I just think back to their little faces before school started, back to the excitement for middle school and sheer terror before High School.  The sense of accomplishment in the band recitals, sporting events and dance competitions.  My heart is melting now as I type this.  I can see these things like they were yesterday.

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Teen Role Models

I am not a huge believer in having celebrities as role models for our children, especially professional athletes but I did find something a little troublesome today on my way into work. Being responsible for the well being of four children, two of them entering high school, puts things into a different perspective than for someone who has no children, or has children too young to be influenced by celebs. So anyway, I was driving into work listening to some morning sports talk radio and they mentioned a poll that was done about month ago “Name your favorite male athlete”. The list included Peyton Manning, Dale Earnhardt Jr., Lebron James and some others that really didn’t make too much of an impact on me but then the mentioned who #1 and #2 were and it took me by surprise and then made me think about what kind of people we as fans are idolizing and introducing our children to.


There was a tie for first between Tiger Woods and Kobe Bryant, second place belonged to Derek Jeter. For those who have short memories, don’t follow sports or live under a rock Kobe Bryant was accused of raping a woman a few years ago in Denver and to prove his innocence he bought his wife a $4 million diamond ring and Tiger Woods has slept with so many women not named Mrs. Tiger Woods he can’t even afford to keep them quiet. Derek Jeter on the other hand is engaged, has never been married, never been involved in a sex scandal, never had to make a public apology for anything other than not winning the World Series and from all accounts is a genuinely nice human being.

This also brings to mind the fact that shows like “Secret Life of the American Teenager” and pretty much anything on MTV these days. Now again, don’t get me wrong I won’t be in line for sainthood when I die but I am no longer a kid and look at all of these things differently. In case you haven’t seen or heard anything about this show the crux of it is that all of these kids are having sex or going down on each other and two of them have gotten pregnant (one last year and one this year). Justine loves this show and Tami watches it when we have it on our DVR and I may sound a bit up and down about it but I am glad they do because we sit and watch it with them and answer any questions and be sure to point out anything that would not happen in real life when it’s on screen.

For those of you who don’t have teenage kids yet you will be here one day. You will hear a story from your teen about a friend or catch a glimpse of a show they are watching and hear the characters talking about having sex and wonder what happened to the baby that fell asleep on your chest every night.

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Parenting across the ages

It has dawned on me that I am currently in the midst of a parenting rarity. I have to concern myself with the worries of two teenage girls, one 7 year old boy, and a soon to be one month old baby. My girls are at the ages where I am worried about them making the wrong decisions or getting mixed in with the wrong crowd as they begin their high school careers. Meanwhile I have all of the worries that come along with having a newborn; will he continue to be healthy, sleep at night and be a happy baby are among the big ones right now. Finally we have Jay who is sort of in the middle. Our biggest concern with him is that he doesn’t end up falling out of a tree lol.


Parenting is a hard gig and every child that you add increases your level of stress exponentially. Having kids in three distinct age groups gives me a great chance to appreciate what each age means to a parent. Babies are completely reliant on you (duh) for everything. When they are awake you need to be 100% on your game and ready to change a shitty diaper or feed them at almost any moment. A seven year old relies on you for bigger things, like getting a hot lunch together for them or listening to their stories that tend to last for 45 minutes and are about as full of fantasy as George Bush’s victory speech on that boat in Iraq.

This brings me to the teenage girls. First let me explain that I love these two girls and would do anything for either of them. I don’t want you to feel as though all I do is complain about them however this gives me a chance to vent and hopefully prepare you other parents for what is coming your way. Anyway, you would think that the age group where they can do things on their own; like go to the bathroom, make something to eat and wash their own laundry would be the easiest to handle however this is far from the truth. See the problem with kids this age is that they are also old enough to realize what they want you to know about them and what they don’t want you to know and try their best to make sure these categories don’t get crossed. There is a delicate balancing act going on between teens and their parents that is seemingly never ending. On one side, as a parent you tell your children to come to with everything and that they should feel comfortable telling you anything but sometimes it is hard to do that when they say or do something that is completely against everything you hoped for them.

Parenting is not for the faint hearted and I caution anyone who is thinking of becoming a parent who has a heart condition, a nervous disorder, a brain or a social life that you must prepare yourself for anything and everything.

Hovering

Last night there were two events that took place that I wanted to discuss. The first of which needs a brief back story. I play in a men’s softball league and on this past Monday I was running from 2nd to 3rd when I felt a slight pop in Achilles heel and have been limping since. Ok, so at about 4:30am Evan lets out this scream and cry that made me jump from the bed and run over to his crib. By the time I got there and put my hand on his chest to try and soothe him he already fallen back to sleep. As any parent knows, these types of things send a jolt of adrenaline through your veins that can only be matched by the first drop of a really friggin tall roller coaster.


After realizing he was ok the adrenaline started wearing off and the realization that I had just literally jumped off my bed and ran across the room on my weak foot and the pain shot straight up to my head and I fell to the ground. Again, to touch on yesterday’s post, these are the types of things that drive me nuts as a parent of older kids. It brings to life all of the things that you put your kids needs and wants in front of yours. While I was waiting for the ability to get back up and hobble over to the bed I started thinking that one day Evan will look at me when I tell him no and say something close to, “It’s not fair!” Ahh the innocence of teens assuming that life should be fair.

The other event that got me thinking happened after his feeding was done. Generally I do the feeding before I go to work but since he slept from 9:30pm to 4:30am I knew he wouldn’t be ready to eat again before I left at 6:45 so I wanted to hold him for a few minutes while he was up. I was laying in bed and laid him down next to me as I have done a few times, not for him to sleep there but just so we can be on the same level. While looking into his eyes I heard the following from the other side of the bed, “Be careful with him, I just read an article about SIDS and it said sleeping in the bed is a major cause.” This is something that you hovering mothers need to think long and hard about approaching. My wife especially because with my first baby I was 14 and got an awful lot of suggestions and explanations from everyone on how to do certain things and what not to do because I was kid. This time however I am a 28 year old man and I know what I am doing. In fact, unless you see the father of your baby doing something completely idiotic or he specifically says, “I have no idea what the hell I am doing, can you help me out?” Try not to interject too much because he will eventually feel like he can’t do anything with the baby around you because you don’t trust him.

Teenage girls are evil

I have decided now that Evan is here that the subject matter of my blog can now shift from all things pregnancy / newborn to all things parenting, from the father’s point of view anyway. Being a father requires you to have tough skin, especially if you have teenage daughters. If you have a daughter and she has not yet entered her teenage years enjoy the time you have with her now. At 9 years old your daughter thinks the world of you, you are a real life super hero to her. If there is a bug on wall, a monster in the closet or a thunderstorm outside, who does she turn to for protection? Her Daddy of course!

Now for those who are new to the blog or just don’t remember I have two teenage girls, Tami will be 14 in September and is mine, Justine is already 14 and is my step-daughter (that will be the last time you hear her referred to as “step” just wanted to clarify for now). I had a good father and daughter relationship with Tami for the first 9 years or so and then her mother and I got divorced. It’s unfortunate the way that divorce can affect the relationship and the grasp you have on your children, especially if you are the father because no matter how much you plead your case, unless your ex is a drug addict or abuser the children generally go to their mother. I have seen changes in her almost from the moment the divorce was finalized.

Over the last year Shawna and I have noticed a difference in the way she acts when she is with us, very stand offish, and almost looks like she is told she is going to be walking the green mile at any moment. So finally last week after being turned down for a lunch visit with me at work and her deciding, without asking me, to baby sit instead of coming over at the time she was supposed to I told her that from now on if she doesn’t want to come over every Monday and Wednesday she doesn’t have to. I was hoping that this would accomplish two things, the first of which being a little tough love. I was hoping this would show her how I felt, what it is like to feel a little let down the way I do when she turns down the opportunity to spend time with us. The other thing I was hoping it would do is get her more interested in coming because she isn’t forced to. Of course neither one has come to fruition so far. I think she was relieved that she doesn’t have to come here on a regular schedule and in fact she was supposed to come over last night and chose not to. Again, the need for tough skin is ever so prevalent when dealing with teenage girls.

My other daughter Justine has a father who comes and goes depending on his relationship status. If he has a new girlfriend he tends to show up more than he does when he is single. We may not hear from him for 4 or 5 months and then he goes on a stretch where he wants her every other weekend for about a month or so and then vanishes again. I have known Justine for about 5 years now and feel no differently for her than I do Tami, but alas she is a teenage girl and there for, like the other teenage girl in my life, repeatedly makes me feel like I am nothing but a cab service and ATM without meaning it. Her on again off again father does not pay child support nor does he make any attempt to however his current girlfriend and her two or three kids live in a house, with a pool and drive a relatively new SUV. When she is with him her limitations are minimal, she is on the computer at 3am and gets brought to a night club on the boardwalk at Sea Side Heights NJ for teen night (13 – 18 year olds). Within my walls the computer time is limited and a night club is something she only sees on TV. I understand he is her father and she has more freedoms when she is with him however my comments on Facebook get deleted, I get the bitchy attitudes for 11.5 months a year and I foot the bill (gladly by the way) for all of her expenses. One day I hope these girls realize that I am a little stricter than their other parents because I care and am looking out for them. I was a father at 14 and refuse to be a 28 year old grandfather.

My ultimate goal as a parent is to be a parent first and their friend second. I am not looking to score points for being awesome, I am looking to score respect. I might not get my reward until the girls are married and have kids of their own but that is fine by me. When I am a grandpa one day and my grand kids are being bitchy to their parents and shouting about how unfair life is that is, that is when my reward hits. When the girls realize just how much I sacrificed of my time, money, blood, sweat and tears and how they were to me, that’s the moment I am waiting for.

Diapers, bottles and laundry oh my!

Anyone who is a parent to an infant knows where I am going with the subject of this post.  For those of you who are expecting your first baby or just reading this to see what it is going to be like, dirty diapers, bottle cleaning and loads of laundry will be almost as common when your baby is born as breathing and blinking are.  Currently our lives consist of changing diapers full of pee and poop, washing the clothes he has peed and spit up on and washing the bottles / pumping equipment that get dirtied every 4 to 5 hours.  These chores become incredibly mind numbing after awhile and begin to feel like they are done every 15 minutes, and in some cases are.  The worst is when you know he is taking a poop, you feel as though he has completed his task and take him off to change his diaper.  The big stinky mess has been cleaned, the onesie buttoned and then what is that noise that you hear?  That's right, your little bundle of joy is pushing out more poopy just for you!
My son is amazing, he is handsome and happy and to this point he sleeps great at night.  I miss him like crazy when I am at work and just his smile or things he has done have brought me to tears a few times but raising a baby is trying.  The change in schedule is hard, you lose who you were and your idea of a great date night or weekend changes.  It is definitely something that you can't half ass and claim to be good at.  You either step up to the plate 100% or don't step onto the field. 
While I am typing this post Evan is sitting in his swing and yawning and I can't help but wonder how all of these men who donate their sperm and take off and then show up once every 3 or 4 months feel as though they can take any credit for raising their kids?  What gives them the right to be celebrated on Father's Day?  Phone calls, letters and 2 weeks a year don't give you a true understanding of what it means to be a parent.  I read in a book that it takes 10,000 hours of practice at something before you become an expert at it, at that rate some of these men will never be a parenting expert.

Evan week 3

It's hard to believe that I just typed "Evan week 3" in the title line of this blog but time has really been flying by that fast.  We are just a few days away from his 3 week birthday and he is growing so much.  He had another Dr. visit today and is tipping the scales at 9lbs and measuring a whopping 20.5 inches.  I have found great solice in the fact that everyday when I come home he is there and needs me.  My first born is going to 14 soon and lives with her mother and does not need me the way she used to.  My step-daughter who is also 14 is in the same boat, she needs a ride to a friends house, she needs money for a pool dance but where these things come from are not a concern.  My 7 year old step son gets his food together when he is hungry, changes his own clothes and has the imagination of a muppet baby so even he is starting to be on his own more.  Evan on the other hand can't hold his head up on his own for longer than 30 seconds, he needs me.  It's good to feel needed as a parent for more than money and transportation.  I enjoy have the responsibility of ensuring this life that I have helped to create is taken care of.  During the pregnancy I was worried that I would be unable to do the things I needed to, like change a diaper fast enough or be alone and have to warm a bottle, change a diaper and keep him from fraeking out but it's all second nature.  The other night I woke up with him to feed him and I changed his diaper in the dark, didn't get peed on and put the diaper on the right way.
I generally do the feeding closer to the start of my morning to give myself a chance to spend time with him and to allow Shawna the opportunity to sleep uninterrupted and our team efforts have seemingly been beneficial for all of us.  The first few nights we both got up and were doing things but we soon realized that this was not as necessary as it is for one of us to be catching up on our sleep.  It is important for both parents to realize that this is a team effort and it is best to figure out and discuss what is the best way to handle everything, especially if the mother is breast feeding or pumping.  Everyone is better at certain things like diaper changing or feeding or bathing and you shouldn't be afraid to tell your partner how you feel about it.

First week at home with Evan

It has now been 9 days since Evan was born and they could not have gone by any quicker. His first night in the hospital was a looooong one. Around 3am we were feeding him from a bottle for the first time and began to make some abnormal sounds while breathing. We called for our nurse who listened to our concerns and took him to the nursery for what felt like an eternity. When she returned about 45 minutes later she explained that the difference between consistency in breast milk and formula along with some slightly swollen nasal passages were causing the breathing difficulties but showed us how to sit him up a little more and hold the bottle differently to alleviate this problem.


The next day came and we had visitors trickling in and out and the photographer came in to take some of the most amazing pictures I have ever seen. They were taken in the style of Anne Geddes by a company called OUR 365 and the woman behind the camera could not have been any nicer or gentler with my son. By the time evening rolled around we decided to head to the cafeteria for a snack but first we had to convince ourselves it was ok to leave him in the nursery and leave the maternity ward for 20 minutes. Our date night consisted of a turkey sandwich and cheese fries and a conversation about how our lives had changed in an instant and how happy we were for it.

We returned to our room and had one more set of guests and after a lengthy discussion about the need for a good night sleep before going home the next day we decided again to ask the nursery if he could stay there over night and be brought to us for feedings which we did. Well sort of anyway, Shawna got up a few times and walked to the nursery to bring him back into our room for feedings and to stare at him, Momma Bear needed to see her cub.

We came home on Wednesday afternoon to an empty house and our latest chapter began. There was much to do as far as unpacking from the hospital and last minute items we realized we needed. Extra burp cloths, receiving blankets, breast pump and some formula were quickly added to our list of needs and off I went on a shopping trip alone. My sister came with her family and made us dinner and to visit with the newest addition to the family.

Our first couple of nights at home were spent listening to the sounds of little Evan kicking around in his crib and making those cute little new born baby sounds that are so hard to go to sleep to because they are so adorable. More guests came over which included my parents. My father had back surgery the day Evan was born and was unable to make it to the hospital to visit his newest grandchild and could not wait for us to bring him over the next day so he waddled his way to our house, cane and all. He sat down at the table and held his grandson for the first time and turned into a big ball of mush.

The remaining days of my vacation were spent holding him and staring into his gorgeous blue eyes which have seemingly lightened by the day to what may turn into almost a sky blue color. There is a lot of emphasis placed on the mother and the worry of depression once the normal schedule kicks in but no one seems look into what a father goes through. When I was born things were different, my father didn’t take a week of vacation and from what I know most men didn’t. Father’s these days take more of a role in raising their children and I personally hate the fact that I am missing and will continue to miss moments in his life.

The last two weeks have been very diverse for us as parents. On June 17th our girls graduated from 8th grade. At 14 our oldest children have walked out of middle school and are headed towards high school as freshmen. Four days later our newest baby came into the world and we are starting at the beginning all over again and we are both more excited than we could have ever imagined!