Hey everyone, I know it's been awhile but things here have been crazy! Suprise suprise right? We have four kids ranging from 14 to 5 weeks so it's shocking I haven't had time right? Anyway, since I last wrote a few things have happened here in Crazy Land and the first of which is we found a house! Finally everyone will have their own space and best of all, it's three floors and the teenage girls from hell have the top floor, which requires opening two doors to get to. Please don't think I dislike my kids I just am a big fan of Louis C.K. (if you don't know him search Youtube) and his bluntness about his kids is something I think is funny as hell. Anyway, so we are moving into the house on September 1st and any and all volunteers in the area are welcome and will be rewarded with a BBQ the weekend after we move in.
Event #2 was Evan's Dr. appointment this morning - he is 5 weeks old, weighs 10lbs and is 22 and 1/4 inches long. According to the Dr. he is "Perfect". Next time we go he will be getting two shots, one in each leg and Mommy was already weak in the knees at the thought so it should be interesting. I won't lie, I hate... no no no, I loathe needles so I am sure this won't be easy for me either.
Finally, after we went to the Dr. we needed to run some errands so we decided it would be a good idea to pick up all the kids and bring them with us. Which leads me to the title of this post "What the hell were we thinking?!?" We have four kids which can be a bit overwhelming. I realize there are some of you out there with more kids or more younger kids but this was our first official trip out of the house, to somewhere other than a relatives house with the 4 of us. We got inside Target and it was like they were shot out of a canon, or so it seemed. I guess in reality they were well behaved but we were greatly out numbered. At this point there are now two kids to every one adult in our family and it is starting to scare the crap out of me. In fact, if not for the fact that in the next 4 to 5 weeks we are going to be packing up and moving all of us into a new house I would probably be breathing into a brown paper bag.
Showing posts with label expectant parents. Show all posts
Showing posts with label expectant parents. Show all posts
Monday, July 26, 2010
Friday, July 16, 2010
Parenting across the ages
It has dawned on me that I am currently in the midst of a parenting rarity. I have to concern myself with the worries of two teenage girls, one 7 year old boy, and a soon to be one month old baby. My girls are at the ages where I am worried about them making the wrong decisions or getting mixed in with the wrong crowd as they begin their high school careers. Meanwhile I have all of the worries that come along with having a newborn; will he continue to be healthy, sleep at night and be a happy baby are among the big ones right now. Finally we have Jay who is sort of in the middle. Our biggest concern with him is that he doesn’t end up falling out of a tree lol.
Parenting is a hard gig and every child that you add increases your level of stress exponentially. Having kids in three distinct age groups gives me a great chance to appreciate what each age means to a parent. Babies are completely reliant on you (duh) for everything. When they are awake you need to be 100% on your game and ready to change a shitty diaper or feed them at almost any moment. A seven year old relies on you for bigger things, like getting a hot lunch together for them or listening to their stories that tend to last for 45 minutes and are about as full of fantasy as George Bush’s victory speech on that boat in Iraq.
This brings me to the teenage girls. First let me explain that I love these two girls and would do anything for either of them. I don’t want you to feel as though all I do is complain about them however this gives me a chance to vent and hopefully prepare you other parents for what is coming your way. Anyway, you would think that the age group where they can do things on their own; like go to the bathroom, make something to eat and wash their own laundry would be the easiest to handle however this is far from the truth. See the problem with kids this age is that they are also old enough to realize what they want you to know about them and what they don’t want you to know and try their best to make sure these categories don’t get crossed. There is a delicate balancing act going on between teens and their parents that is seemingly never ending. On one side, as a parent you tell your children to come to with everything and that they should feel comfortable telling you anything but sometimes it is hard to do that when they say or do something that is completely against everything you hoped for them.
Parenting is not for the faint hearted and I caution anyone who is thinking of becoming a parent who has a heart condition, a nervous disorder, a brain or a social life that you must prepare yourself for anything and everything.
Parenting is a hard gig and every child that you add increases your level of stress exponentially. Having kids in three distinct age groups gives me a great chance to appreciate what each age means to a parent. Babies are completely reliant on you (duh) for everything. When they are awake you need to be 100% on your game and ready to change a shitty diaper or feed them at almost any moment. A seven year old relies on you for bigger things, like getting a hot lunch together for them or listening to their stories that tend to last for 45 minutes and are about as full of fantasy as George Bush’s victory speech on that boat in Iraq.
This brings me to the teenage girls. First let me explain that I love these two girls and would do anything for either of them. I don’t want you to feel as though all I do is complain about them however this gives me a chance to vent and hopefully prepare you other parents for what is coming your way. Anyway, you would think that the age group where they can do things on their own; like go to the bathroom, make something to eat and wash their own laundry would be the easiest to handle however this is far from the truth. See the problem with kids this age is that they are also old enough to realize what they want you to know about them and what they don’t want you to know and try their best to make sure these categories don’t get crossed. There is a delicate balancing act going on between teens and their parents that is seemingly never ending. On one side, as a parent you tell your children to come to with everything and that they should feel comfortable telling you anything but sometimes it is hard to do that when they say or do something that is completely against everything you hoped for them.
Parenting is not for the faint hearted and I caution anyone who is thinking of becoming a parent who has a heart condition, a nervous disorder, a brain or a social life that you must prepare yourself for anything and everything.
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Teenage girls are evil
I have decided now that Evan is here that the subject matter of my blog can now shift from all things pregnancy / newborn to all things parenting, from the father’s point of view anyway. Being a father requires you to have tough skin, especially if you have teenage daughters. If you have a daughter and she has not yet entered her teenage years enjoy the time you have with her now. At 9 years old your daughter thinks the world of you, you are a real life super hero to her. If there is a bug on wall, a monster in the closet or a thunderstorm outside, who does she turn to for protection? Her Daddy of course!
Now for those who are new to the blog or just don’t remember I have two teenage girls, Tami will be 14 in September and is mine, Justine is already 14 and is my step-daughter (that will be the last time you hear her referred to as “step” just wanted to clarify for now). I had a good father and daughter relationship with Tami for the first 9 years or so and then her mother and I got divorced. It’s unfortunate the way that divorce can affect the relationship and the grasp you have on your children, especially if you are the father because no matter how much you plead your case, unless your ex is a drug addict or abuser the children generally go to their mother. I have seen changes in her almost from the moment the divorce was finalized.
Over the last year Shawna and I have noticed a difference in the way she acts when she is with us, very stand offish, and almost looks like she is told she is going to be walking the green mile at any moment. So finally last week after being turned down for a lunch visit with me at work and her deciding, without asking me, to baby sit instead of coming over at the time she was supposed to I told her that from now on if she doesn’t want to come over every Monday and Wednesday she doesn’t have to. I was hoping that this would accomplish two things, the first of which being a little tough love. I was hoping this would show her how I felt, what it is like to feel a little let down the way I do when she turns down the opportunity to spend time with us. The other thing I was hoping it would do is get her more interested in coming because she isn’t forced to. Of course neither one has come to fruition so far. I think she was relieved that she doesn’t have to come here on a regular schedule and in fact she was supposed to come over last night and chose not to. Again, the need for tough skin is ever so prevalent when dealing with teenage girls.
My other daughter Justine has a father who comes and goes depending on his relationship status. If he has a new girlfriend he tends to show up more than he does when he is single. We may not hear from him for 4 or 5 months and then he goes on a stretch where he wants her every other weekend for about a month or so and then vanishes again. I have known Justine for about 5 years now and feel no differently for her than I do Tami, but alas she is a teenage girl and there for, like the other teenage girl in my life, repeatedly makes me feel like I am nothing but a cab service and ATM without meaning it. Her on again off again father does not pay child support nor does he make any attempt to however his current girlfriend and her two or three kids live in a house, with a pool and drive a relatively new SUV. When she is with him her limitations are minimal, she is on the computer at 3am and gets brought to a night club on the boardwalk at Sea Side Heights NJ for teen night (13 – 18 year olds). Within my walls the computer time is limited and a night club is something she only sees on TV. I understand he is her father and she has more freedoms when she is with him however my comments on Facebook get deleted, I get the bitchy attitudes for 11.5 months a year and I foot the bill (gladly by the way) for all of her expenses. One day I hope these girls realize that I am a little stricter than their other parents because I care and am looking out for them. I was a father at 14 and refuse to be a 28 year old grandfather.
My ultimate goal as a parent is to be a parent first and their friend second. I am not looking to score points for being awesome, I am looking to score respect. I might not get my reward until the girls are married and have kids of their own but that is fine by me. When I am a grandpa one day and my grand kids are being bitchy to their parents and shouting about how unfair life is that is, that is when my reward hits. When the girls realize just how much I sacrificed of my time, money, blood, sweat and tears and how they were to me, that’s the moment I am waiting for.
Now for those who are new to the blog or just don’t remember I have two teenage girls, Tami will be 14 in September and is mine, Justine is already 14 and is my step-daughter (that will be the last time you hear her referred to as “step” just wanted to clarify for now). I had a good father and daughter relationship with Tami for the first 9 years or so and then her mother and I got divorced. It’s unfortunate the way that divorce can affect the relationship and the grasp you have on your children, especially if you are the father because no matter how much you plead your case, unless your ex is a drug addict or abuser the children generally go to their mother. I have seen changes in her almost from the moment the divorce was finalized.
Over the last year Shawna and I have noticed a difference in the way she acts when she is with us, very stand offish, and almost looks like she is told she is going to be walking the green mile at any moment. So finally last week after being turned down for a lunch visit with me at work and her deciding, without asking me, to baby sit instead of coming over at the time she was supposed to I told her that from now on if she doesn’t want to come over every Monday and Wednesday she doesn’t have to. I was hoping that this would accomplish two things, the first of which being a little tough love. I was hoping this would show her how I felt, what it is like to feel a little let down the way I do when she turns down the opportunity to spend time with us. The other thing I was hoping it would do is get her more interested in coming because she isn’t forced to. Of course neither one has come to fruition so far. I think she was relieved that she doesn’t have to come here on a regular schedule and in fact she was supposed to come over last night and chose not to. Again, the need for tough skin is ever so prevalent when dealing with teenage girls.
My other daughter Justine has a father who comes and goes depending on his relationship status. If he has a new girlfriend he tends to show up more than he does when he is single. We may not hear from him for 4 or 5 months and then he goes on a stretch where he wants her every other weekend for about a month or so and then vanishes again. I have known Justine for about 5 years now and feel no differently for her than I do Tami, but alas she is a teenage girl and there for, like the other teenage girl in my life, repeatedly makes me feel like I am nothing but a cab service and ATM without meaning it. Her on again off again father does not pay child support nor does he make any attempt to however his current girlfriend and her two or three kids live in a house, with a pool and drive a relatively new SUV. When she is with him her limitations are minimal, she is on the computer at 3am and gets brought to a night club on the boardwalk at Sea Side Heights NJ for teen night (13 – 18 year olds). Within my walls the computer time is limited and a night club is something she only sees on TV. I understand he is her father and she has more freedoms when she is with him however my comments on Facebook get deleted, I get the bitchy attitudes for 11.5 months a year and I foot the bill (gladly by the way) for all of her expenses. One day I hope these girls realize that I am a little stricter than their other parents because I care and am looking out for them. I was a father at 14 and refuse to be a 28 year old grandfather.
My ultimate goal as a parent is to be a parent first and their friend second. I am not looking to score points for being awesome, I am looking to score respect. I might not get my reward until the girls are married and have kids of their own but that is fine by me. When I am a grandpa one day and my grand kids are being bitchy to their parents and shouting about how unfair life is that is, that is when my reward hits. When the girls realize just how much I sacrificed of my time, money, blood, sweat and tears and how they were to me, that’s the moment I am waiting for.
Friday, July 9, 2010
Evan week 3
It's hard to believe that I just typed "Evan week 3" in the title line of this blog but time has really been flying by that fast. We are just a few days away from his 3 week birthday and he is growing so much. He had another Dr. visit today and is tipping the scales at 9lbs and measuring a whopping 20.5 inches. I have found great solice in the fact that everyday when I come home he is there and needs me. My first born is going to 14 soon and lives with her mother and does not need me the way she used to. My step-daughter who is also 14 is in the same boat, she needs a ride to a friends house, she needs money for a pool dance but where these things come from are not a concern. My 7 year old step son gets his food together when he is hungry, changes his own clothes and has the imagination of a muppet baby so even he is starting to be on his own more. Evan on the other hand can't hold his head up on his own for longer than 30 seconds, he needs me. It's good to feel needed as a parent for more than money and transportation. I enjoy have the responsibility of ensuring this life that I have helped to create is taken care of. During the pregnancy I was worried that I would be unable to do the things I needed to, like change a diaper fast enough or be alone and have to warm a bottle, change a diaper and keep him from fraeking out but it's all second nature. The other night I woke up with him to feed him and I changed his diaper in the dark, didn't get peed on and put the diaper on the right way.
I generally do the feeding closer to the start of my morning to give myself a chance to spend time with him and to allow Shawna the opportunity to sleep uninterrupted and our team efforts have seemingly been beneficial for all of us. The first few nights we both got up and were doing things but we soon realized that this was not as necessary as it is for one of us to be catching up on our sleep. It is important for both parents to realize that this is a team effort and it is best to figure out and discuss what is the best way to handle everything, especially if the mother is breast feeding or pumping. Everyone is better at certain things like diaper changing or feeding or bathing and you shouldn't be afraid to tell your partner how you feel about it.
I generally do the feeding closer to the start of my morning to give myself a chance to spend time with him and to allow Shawna the opportunity to sleep uninterrupted and our team efforts have seemingly been beneficial for all of us. The first few nights we both got up and were doing things but we soon realized that this was not as necessary as it is for one of us to be catching up on our sleep. It is important for both parents to realize that this is a team effort and it is best to figure out and discuss what is the best way to handle everything, especially if the mother is breast feeding or pumping. Everyone is better at certain things like diaper changing or feeding or bathing and you shouldn't be afraid to tell your partner how you feel about it.
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