Being a parent and a son...

I wanted to take brief respite from the somewhat poor attempt at humor that these posts are generally filled with and take time to discuss something that as parents we may not necessarily think about that often, we are children as well.  The first half of this calendar year I have seen people I grew up with, friends of mine from back in the day, lose a parent, two in the past 7 days and my heart breaks for them.  None of these friends of mine and I communicate on a daily basis anymore, not because of any arguments or things of that nature, just life.  Life has a tendency of taking your plans and your daily routines and shaking them up from time to time.  Growing up with the Smiths and Taylors when they moved away there was no Facebook, Instagram, email or cell phones to keep in touch with.  As kids we were never in the house to use them anyway, we were out making new friends to fill a void that was left by the old ones who had moved on in their new town or neighborhood as well.

Growing up my father worked long hours and is not really into sports that much so having a friend whose father was around to bring his blue bag of hard balls and drill line drives or shag pop ups with was golden.  Not to mention these kids had every new video game system when it came out so on a rainy day, playing frogger or pitfall or sonic the hedgehog was a God send.  Also, as we got a little older, I was introduced to my first large scale playboy collection : ).  My formative years were spent playing with these kids and around the man who I am referencing and to those who know who I am talking about I am truly sorry for your loss.  I can't pretend to be as close to you guys now as I was then but to say I have forgotten the summers spent playing on a highway that at the time was being built or swimming in a river, or playing fumble rumbles in a third floor finished attic would be a lie.

I recently connected with an old friend from my teenage years, a man that I worked long night shifts at a fast food chain with in the dead of summer, 110 degrees flipping burgers, making 18 inch tall ice cream cones for jerks that complained the first one was too small and collecting an absurd amount of beanie babies with, that is another story for another time.  Again, we were not the closest of friends but I can say that when he was working, the shift was better, the shift was lighter, you knew there would be fun and shenanigans going on and you knew his Mom would be around at some point. While he was older than me he didn't drive, his mother drove him every day, to and from work.  In a car that he clearly was allowed to put his stamp on.  I am pretty sure his mom did not want the latest stereo or the biggest speakers or the loudest bass but he did and that was enough for her.  She was an adopted mother to him on paper, but his real mother in heart. She was quick with her wit and on more than one occasion would shoot a look at her son that made me stand at attention.  She has moved on to a more peaceful place having battled two types of cancer and she will be missed greatly by those that knew her well, as well as those that just knew her a little...

My father was a hard worker and my mother was a stay at home Mom, money was tight growing up but we really didn't notice it on a day to day basis.  We were kids, we had toys, we had food and we went places.  Life was good, times were simple compared to now.  But what I did know, was that my mom's friend had a much bigger house than us and she was super cool.  She will be remembered for many things, her hatred of Christmas having been born on Christmas Eve and her love of all things Precious Moments.... oh and the fact that she will always be the one person who fed me a dog treat (hopefully the only person that is).  This story is rooted in my desire to be a giant pain in the ass.  My mom took me over to her best friends house to play with her kids and hang out and I remember seeing these snacks on the counter that we never had.  "These must be what people in big houses snack on," I had convinced myself.  So of course I was eyeballing them all day.  Finally she told me to go ahead and take one of the snacks and blah blah something something.  I had totally tuned her out after I heard go ahead and take one, turns out the rest of the sentence was, "and give them to the dog".  I ate it.  Big bite down in what eventually would be explained to me was a dog biscuit lol.  She was my Mom's confidant, her best friend, her defacto sister if you will.

Again, life changes your surroundings on you sometimes and people move, change school districts and life takes you away.  While I will never try to pass off her children as my best friends growing up, we were however connected.  Since the advent of social media we have connected several times, talked shop, talked family, talked kids, and unfortunately talked loss.  My mothers friend battled long and hard against cancer and ultimately lost the fight in the beginning of this year.  She, along with her children, had all found their way to the Carolinas and I had not seen them for quite some time.  A memorial was held here, in NJ, and her kids and their kids were there.  I was able to talk to them, connect, meet their children and share that dog treat story again.  It was an honor to know this woman and her family, she is known to my kids as Aunt and always will be.

So why so much talk of sorrow on this post?  I was thinking about this last night as I thought about all of these parents and how these children (even though they are in their 30's now) must be feeling and it brought on the realization that sometimes we need to really stop and take stock in who we are to everyone around us.  We get so caught up in being a parent, a sibling, an employee, a co-worker, a friend that we forget the one thing we were literally born to be, a son or daughter.  We sit and worry over and cry for our children, wishing we could help them, wishing we could carry them over the troubled times or at least hold them up as they traverse life that we forget that our parents are thinking the same thing about us.  It's hard to be a parent and a child, everyone does it at some point but it is difficult.  All the things we lose sleep over because of our kids we did, or are currently doing, to our parents.  While they may not be able to physically do the same things or have the desire to do them they still wiped our butts, tears, and blood when we needed them to.

Mortality is not an easy topic to deal with, it is not fun, it is not uplifting, it is nothing but certain.  I feel for these people, these friends, these acquaintances.  I cannot imagine what it feels like to be missing someone who was there for EVERYTHING from the moment you took your first breath.  I guess maybe what I am saying is that it is important to remember to hug your parents a little tighter from time to time, make time to talk to them, ensure them that your life is good, things are moving in the right direction, and you have not forgotten all the good they have done because one day you might not be able to.

High school graduations are not for the faint of heart

Hey there everyone!  I am going to take a different approach to this post and move away from the antics of my youngest and move on to the antics of my two oldest.  For those who don't know, I have two daughters that will be graduating High School in a little over two weeks, Justine is 18 and Tami is 17.  They couldn't have taken any more different paths through their senior year to get to this point either.

Justine took a more laid back approach to scheduling to sort of "coast" through this year and be able to enjoy and soak up the last few months of her high school career with classes like, Everyday cooking, Just Desserts, consumer math, study hall, study hall, study hall, forensics, marine biology.  While I admit the last two are not necessarily classes you can sleep through, they are classes that she is extremely interested in rather than being forced into.  This kid watches Law & Order type shows every day and is going to be getting her Bacehlor's in Marine Biology so these classes definitely peaked her interest more than say, Algebra 2 would have and her grades proved it.  She has had the ability to take the foot off of the gas the last few weeks and coast to the finish line, with stops at senior skip day and a day at the beach with many of her classmates.

Tami on the other hand made a decision at some point to make this the most stressful few months (until very recently) I have dealt with in a long time.  Tami's schedule looked like this, Algebra 2, Economics & Financial literacy, Introduction to Business, English, and a couple of gimme classes like pottery and guitar.  Now I am not saying she had an all AP level schedule but for her she was about as booked as she could be.  Couple that with a bunch of visits to the nurse and trying to stay home from not feeling well (will get to that another post) and her lack of handing things in on time / at all in English she was placed on the "Danger" list for seniors.  This is basically a list of students in their Senior year that are in danger of not graduating for either academic or attendance issues.

"What the fuck!!!!" I yelled in my head (Is that possible?  I feel like I "yell" inside my head a lot to keep from yelling out of my mouth).  "How the hell is this possible???"  Turns out she had been doing the assignments and not handing them in on time or at all and missing class for various reasons (nurse, counselor, bathroom?!?!?!?), along with a dip in her grade.  I think that she really took this senioritis thing a bit too far and began slamming (not pumping) the breaks in the middle of the 2nd marking period.

Needless to say this had lead to numerous phone calls with the counselors and emails back and forth with the teacher and grade checking for a few weeks but it finally seems like she has kicked it back into overdrive.  As long as the grades stay where they are and she does not miss another class all will work out fine in the end.  So at least all the stress is gone now.... right?.... WRONG!

Now we have PROM dresses to buy, a graduation party to plan and pay for (Did you know that One, Uno, Un, Single, Individual Port-a-Potty can cost up to $300 F$$$$$G!?!?!?)  Thankfully a good GREAT family friend knows someone who can get one for $85 but still, HOLY CRAP!  Food for 100 people, chairs, a tent, music, plates, cups, plasticware, food, food, food and more food, decorations, gifts (for the girls).  Then there is the party prep at my in-laws - cutting down trees and helping prep the yard, figuring out how we are getting everything up there and back, where the tables are coming from, the chairs, where are we going to sleep, do we get this or that, do we bring enough for all the invites even though they didn't RSVP? (apparently that answer is YES).  AAAAAAHHHHHHHH (my head is spinning!!!!)

In all honesty it got so overwhelming I started to feel a little sick, I even had a day where my brain was so screwy I started dropping things (eggs at home, drinks at shop rite).  It's non-sense!  I honestly can't wait for the party to be over so I can drink to my success at helping to raise two beautiful and intelligent women.  After all, while the graduation is your child's success first, it is part yours as well.  You play a huge role in this.  Don't forget, it was you who sat and helped them learn to read, write, do math problems, tie their shoe, pack their lunch, it was you who took them to their dances and early morning field trips.  You organized the birthday parties and drove them everywhere they needed to go.

It is going to be an emotional few days, they graduate on a Thursday night and their party is the following Saturday but it is going to be oh so sweet.  I can't sit here and say I will be 100% glad their school careers are over (k12 that is), I will still miss the days of being involved with everything, as much as we were able to be anyway.  I just think back to their little faces before school started, back to the excitement for middle school and sheer terror before High School.  The sense of accomplishment in the band recitals, sporting events and dance competitions.  My heart is melting now as I type this.  I can see these things like they were yesterday.

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Rolling over, eating cereal and fruit and everything else

Guess who's back?  Hello everyone!  I hope that you are all still out there and that everything has been going good for you.  Evan is now 4 months old!  Time has been flying by, it seems like yesterday I was sitting in the hopsital typing the story of the labor and delivery and being so amazingly nervous about how things were going to be.  Fast forward through countless poopie diapers, un-godly amounts of spit up stains and even more smiles and we are at today.  Evan's personality is developing the way I expected it to.  He gets pissed off and yells when he tries to do something he can't (like get a toy into his mouth right) and will laugh at anything remotely funny or amusing.  He loves LOVES loves Sesame Street, especially Cookie Monster, and has recently found the horror that is Yo Gabba Gabba.  He is over 13 pounds, eats cereal and fruit - Which by the way, does anyone know if Gerber makes anything other than apples, pears and bananas?  Anyway, our lives are full of bottles, diapers, bills and moments we never thought we would be sharing together. 
Our new house is great and the other three kids have adjusted seemlessly to having a baby in the house.  The girls help when needed (except for diaper changes that is) and Jay wants to be involved in everything. 

Life is good here in the Rush household.  I really shouldn't complain as much as I do about things.  Money is tighter but that was to be expected.  Alone time with my wife is limited, but that's not a shocker either.  But I keep reminding myself that all of the little things that have changed are definitely worth going through, especially when I get to look at my son everyday.

It's been quite awhile, but with good reason I swear!

Hello everyone!  Sorry it's been so long since my last update but like normal, things are banana's here in the Rush household.  Over the last few weeks there have been quite a few family issues that we have been tending to as well as some episodes with Evan that those of you who follow our facebook page have been aware of. 
A week ago today we had our first big scare with Evan, he vomitted his entire bottle, his mouth and nose were full of formula.  He was left gasping for air and screaming in fear which as a parent is the worst feeling in the world.  We were shaken up but assumed it was just from a gas bubble or upset belly or something along those lines.  Tuesday morning came and the same thing happened which got us looking into pyloric stenosis due to some family history on her side.  We called our Dr. and went in for a check up and he said it did not appear as though that was the case seeing as how he was gaining weight (10lbs 8oz) and it had only happened twice but we were to keep an eye on him and if it happened again to take him to the ER and get an ultrasound done.
Which brings me to yesterday.  I was at work when I got a voice mail from my frantic wife saying it happened again and she was taking him to the ER. I rushed home, got in the car and drove up to the hospital where he was born.  It is a strange feeling making the same drive we took when she was still pregnant.  I have not been in that area since he was born so it was a bit surreal to make the drive again.  Anyway, we were in the ER for the afternoon with our little man for an ultrasound and check up to ensure his tummy was working the way it is supposed to, which it is.  We were essentially told to cut back a little on the amount of formula and keep him sitting up for about 20 to 30 minutes after each feeding before allowing him to lay down.
I had forgotten what parenting a newborn was like, what it was all about.  It is hard, it is exhausting, it is draining, it is expensive and it is 100% worth it when you are dead tired and you look down and your baby is smiling with a face full of formula.  Things have been tough lately.  My wife and I are navigating the waters of a relationship that has changed, my sister has been dealing with some problems at home and sometimes I feel like my parents turn to me the way I turned to them when I was younger, but as my parents only son and being only 3 years younger than my sister this tends to happen I suppose.  Along with the burdens of supporting my 6 person household and getting ready for a move that is happening in the next 2 weeks I have taken on the added stress and pressure of ensuring the rest of my family is doing ok as well.  This is something that takes some time to get used to with the addition of a new baby.  My days go from Evan's first feeding around 5:30 or 6:00am (which I do because I am up for work anyway) until 11 or sometimes 12 at night depending. 
For those who are parents you know where I am coming from and for those who are expecting take my advice on this one thing if nothing else, SLEEP NOW!  Trust me, even if your baby sleeps through the night like Evan does (usually 10 - 5:30 or 6) you won't. 

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What the hell were we thinking?

Hey everyone, I know it's been awhile but things here have been crazy! Suprise suprise right?  We have four kids ranging from 14 to 5 weeks so it's shocking I haven't had time right?  Anyway, since I last wrote a few things have happened here in Crazy Land and the first of which is we found a house!  Finally everyone will have their own space and best of all, it's three floors and the teenage girls from hell have the top floor, which requires opening two doors to get to.  Please don't think I dislike my kids I just am a big fan of Louis C.K.  (if you don't know him search Youtube) and his bluntness about his kids is something I think is funny as hell.  Anyway, so we are moving into the house on September 1st and any and all volunteers in the area are welcome and will be rewarded with a BBQ the weekend after we move in.
Event #2 was Evan's Dr. appointment this morning - he is 5 weeks old, weighs 10lbs and is 22 and 1/4 inches long.  According to the Dr. he is "Perfect".  Next time we go he will be getting two shots, one in each leg and Mommy was already weak in the knees at the thought so it should be interesting.  I won't lie, I hate... no no no, I loathe needles so I am sure this won't be easy for me either.
Finally, after we went to the Dr. we needed to run some errands so we decided it would be a good idea to pick up all the kids and bring them with us.  Which leads me to the title of this post "What the hell were we thinking?!?"  We have four kids which can be a bit overwhelming.  I realize there are some of you out there with more kids or more younger kids but this was our first official trip out of the house, to somewhere other than a relatives house with the 4 of us.  We got inside Target and it was like they were shot out of a canon, or so it seemed.  I guess in reality they were well behaved but we were greatly out numbered.  At this point there are now two kids to every one adult in our family and it is starting to scare the crap out of me.  In fact, if not for the fact that in the next 4 to 5 weeks we are going to be packing up and moving all of us into a new house I would probably be breathing into a brown paper bag. 

Hovering

Last night there were two events that took place that I wanted to discuss. The first of which needs a brief back story. I play in a men’s softball league and on this past Monday I was running from 2nd to 3rd when I felt a slight pop in Achilles heel and have been limping since. Ok, so at about 4:30am Evan lets out this scream and cry that made me jump from the bed and run over to his crib. By the time I got there and put my hand on his chest to try and soothe him he already fallen back to sleep. As any parent knows, these types of things send a jolt of adrenaline through your veins that can only be matched by the first drop of a really friggin tall roller coaster.


After realizing he was ok the adrenaline started wearing off and the realization that I had just literally jumped off my bed and ran across the room on my weak foot and the pain shot straight up to my head and I fell to the ground. Again, to touch on yesterday’s post, these are the types of things that drive me nuts as a parent of older kids. It brings to life all of the things that you put your kids needs and wants in front of yours. While I was waiting for the ability to get back up and hobble over to the bed I started thinking that one day Evan will look at me when I tell him no and say something close to, “It’s not fair!” Ahh the innocence of teens assuming that life should be fair.

The other event that got me thinking happened after his feeding was done. Generally I do the feeding before I go to work but since he slept from 9:30pm to 4:30am I knew he wouldn’t be ready to eat again before I left at 6:45 so I wanted to hold him for a few minutes while he was up. I was laying in bed and laid him down next to me as I have done a few times, not for him to sleep there but just so we can be on the same level. While looking into his eyes I heard the following from the other side of the bed, “Be careful with him, I just read an article about SIDS and it said sleeping in the bed is a major cause.” This is something that you hovering mothers need to think long and hard about approaching. My wife especially because with my first baby I was 14 and got an awful lot of suggestions and explanations from everyone on how to do certain things and what not to do because I was kid. This time however I am a 28 year old man and I know what I am doing. In fact, unless you see the father of your baby doing something completely idiotic or he specifically says, “I have no idea what the hell I am doing, can you help me out?” Try not to interject too much because he will eventually feel like he can’t do anything with the baby around you because you don’t trust him.

Diapers, bottles and laundry oh my!

Anyone who is a parent to an infant knows where I am going with the subject of this post.  For those of you who are expecting your first baby or just reading this to see what it is going to be like, dirty diapers, bottle cleaning and loads of laundry will be almost as common when your baby is born as breathing and blinking are.  Currently our lives consist of changing diapers full of pee and poop, washing the clothes he has peed and spit up on and washing the bottles / pumping equipment that get dirtied every 4 to 5 hours.  These chores become incredibly mind numbing after awhile and begin to feel like they are done every 15 minutes, and in some cases are.  The worst is when you know he is taking a poop, you feel as though he has completed his task and take him off to change his diaper.  The big stinky mess has been cleaned, the onesie buttoned and then what is that noise that you hear?  That's right, your little bundle of joy is pushing out more poopy just for you!
My son is amazing, he is handsome and happy and to this point he sleeps great at night.  I miss him like crazy when I am at work and just his smile or things he has done have brought me to tears a few times but raising a baby is trying.  The change in schedule is hard, you lose who you were and your idea of a great date night or weekend changes.  It is definitely something that you can't half ass and claim to be good at.  You either step up to the plate 100% or don't step onto the field. 
While I am typing this post Evan is sitting in his swing and yawning and I can't help but wonder how all of these men who donate their sperm and take off and then show up once every 3 or 4 months feel as though they can take any credit for raising their kids?  What gives them the right to be celebrated on Father's Day?  Phone calls, letters and 2 weeks a year don't give you a true understanding of what it means to be a parent.  I read in a book that it takes 10,000 hours of practice at something before you become an expert at it, at that rate some of these men will never be a parenting expert.

First week at home with Evan

It has now been 9 days since Evan was born and they could not have gone by any quicker. His first night in the hospital was a looooong one. Around 3am we were feeding him from a bottle for the first time and began to make some abnormal sounds while breathing. We called for our nurse who listened to our concerns and took him to the nursery for what felt like an eternity. When she returned about 45 minutes later she explained that the difference between consistency in breast milk and formula along with some slightly swollen nasal passages were causing the breathing difficulties but showed us how to sit him up a little more and hold the bottle differently to alleviate this problem.


The next day came and we had visitors trickling in and out and the photographer came in to take some of the most amazing pictures I have ever seen. They were taken in the style of Anne Geddes by a company called OUR 365 and the woman behind the camera could not have been any nicer or gentler with my son. By the time evening rolled around we decided to head to the cafeteria for a snack but first we had to convince ourselves it was ok to leave him in the nursery and leave the maternity ward for 20 minutes. Our date night consisted of a turkey sandwich and cheese fries and a conversation about how our lives had changed in an instant and how happy we were for it.

We returned to our room and had one more set of guests and after a lengthy discussion about the need for a good night sleep before going home the next day we decided again to ask the nursery if he could stay there over night and be brought to us for feedings which we did. Well sort of anyway, Shawna got up a few times and walked to the nursery to bring him back into our room for feedings and to stare at him, Momma Bear needed to see her cub.

We came home on Wednesday afternoon to an empty house and our latest chapter began. There was much to do as far as unpacking from the hospital and last minute items we realized we needed. Extra burp cloths, receiving blankets, breast pump and some formula were quickly added to our list of needs and off I went on a shopping trip alone. My sister came with her family and made us dinner and to visit with the newest addition to the family.

Our first couple of nights at home were spent listening to the sounds of little Evan kicking around in his crib and making those cute little new born baby sounds that are so hard to go to sleep to because they are so adorable. More guests came over which included my parents. My father had back surgery the day Evan was born and was unable to make it to the hospital to visit his newest grandchild and could not wait for us to bring him over the next day so he waddled his way to our house, cane and all. He sat down at the table and held his grandson for the first time and turned into a big ball of mush.

The remaining days of my vacation were spent holding him and staring into his gorgeous blue eyes which have seemingly lightened by the day to what may turn into almost a sky blue color. There is a lot of emphasis placed on the mother and the worry of depression once the normal schedule kicks in but no one seems look into what a father goes through. When I was born things were different, my father didn’t take a week of vacation and from what I know most men didn’t. Father’s these days take more of a role in raising their children and I personally hate the fact that I am missing and will continue to miss moments in his life.

The last two weeks have been very diverse for us as parents. On June 17th our girls graduated from 8th grade. At 14 our oldest children have walked out of middle school and are headed towards high school as freshmen. Four days later our newest baby came into the world and we are starting at the beginning all over again and we are both more excited than we could have ever imagined!